Spreckled Monkey Man Cards

Cards for the other half of the planet

  • All Actions

    You expect me to be accountable for all of my actions - all of the time? Come on now!

  • Almost Perfect

    While I'm close to perfect, there are still a few imperfections that squeak out every now and then.

  • Amazing Nursing Home

    You've been such great parents - I'll be sure to put you in an amazing nursing home.

  • Ancient Birth

    All sorts of people were talking about the day of your birth. And by "people" I mean ancient historical references.

  • Baby lottery

    Getting pregnant is like winning a million cantaloupes.

  • Ball of Sunshine

    What’s so great about being a "ball of sunshine"? You'd be like a billion degrees and instantly burn all of your friends.

  • Beaver Attack

    Kyle would never forget Abby's birthday. After all, that was the same day he was attacked by a family of beavers.

  • Beaver Taco

    I guess nature knows better than man, because no matter how hard one tries, you'll never get a beaver to eat a taco.

  • Bigger Man

    It takes a big man to admit they were wrong.

Spreckled Monkey Man Cards, based out of Centreville VA, is the best and coolest greeting card company in the world. Sometimes it's tough to be a guy. From birth, you are expected to know how to throw a javelin, open every jar of pickled without 50 miles and have no qualms about killing small pests that disturb the delicate emotional balance of your loved ones. But there are some moments that bring out a deep dread and product a cold sweat for even the most hardened lumberjack - holding a baby for the first time, picking out the engagement ring, dealing with a hostage negotiation or event your first live bomb defusing. But worst of all is when it comes time to buy a card for those that you love. Every guy knows that the greeting card was an invention of women for women - and boy do they love their cards. For guys, it's different. They are lost in the card selection, struggling to find the card that speaks to them, to their situation, and to what they are looking to say. You don't want flowers and ridiculous pictures of animals. Sure you could close your eyes and pick out a terrible card at random - after all, what difference does it make? They are all the same, aren't they? Not anymore. Welcome to Spreckled Monkey Man Cards. Why another greeting card? Well, simple put - for guys, buying cards sucks. I don't mean like "pebble in the show while on a hike" suck. No, I mean like "falling into a vat of honey at a bee convention" suck. Sure, you have to buy cards from time to time, but it certainly isn't easy. Don't guys have the right to have fun card shopping too? We believe that a true man isn't about being simple singed or filled with crass humor. men at their best at funny, honest, strong, sincere and clever - and we believe that spirit should be fostered. As suck, 10% of all proceeds go to charities that help boys grow into men - just like our own Luke, Kyle and the rest of the gang.