Spreckled Monkey Man Cards

Cards for the other half of the planet

  • College Fund

    Every time your kids wake up in the middle of the night, spend part of their college fund on beer.

  • Crash Landing

    If I were a pilot making a crash landing, I'd tell the passengers that the first one to hit the ground wins a prize.

  • Crushed Bare Hands

    A cantaloupe, a garden hose and a rabid squirrel ...

  • Dad Beaver

    Sure, a beaver can chew through wood, but my dad can throw a beaver really far.

  • Dad Much Better

    It's not that my dad is just better than others...

  • Dad Shank

    Even though he's never been to prison, my dad still knows how to make a shank out of a toothbrush.

  • Dad Taught Me

    Of all of the things my dad taught me, the most important is the art of towel whipping an opponent.

  • Easy Parenting

    You always made parenting look easy.

  • Friend Blessing

    It is a real blessing to have friends deserving of thank you notes!

Spreckled Monkey Man Cards, based out of Centreville VA, is the best and coolest greeting card company in the world. Sometimes it's tough to be a guy. From birth, you are expected to know how to throw a javelin, open every jar of pickled without 50 miles and have no qualms about killing small pests that disturb the delicate emotional balance of your loved ones. But there are some moments that bring out a deep dread and product a cold sweat for even the most hardened lumberjack - holding a baby for the first time, picking out the engagement ring, dealing with a hostage negotiation or event your first live bomb defusing. But worst of all is when it comes time to buy a card for those that you love. Every guy knows that the greeting card was an invention of women for women - and boy do they love their cards. For guys, it's different. They are lost in the card selection, struggling to find the card that speaks to them, to their situation, and to what they are looking to say. You don't want flowers and ridiculous pictures of animals. Sure you could close your eyes and pick out a terrible card at random - after all, what difference does it make? They are all the same, aren't they? Not anymore. Welcome to Spreckled Monkey Man Cards. Why another greeting card? Well, simple put - for guys, buying cards sucks. I don't mean like "pebble in the show while on a hike" suck. No, I mean like "falling into a vat of honey at a bee convention" suck. Sure, you have to buy cards from time to time, but it certainly isn't easy. Don't guys have the right to have fun card shopping too? We believe that a true man isn't about being simple singed or filled with crass humor. men at their best at funny, honest, strong, sincere and clever - and we believe that spirit should be fostered. As suck, 10% of all proceeds go to charities that help boys grow into men - just like our own Luke, Kyle and the rest of the gang.