Spreckled Monkey Man Cards

Cards for the other half of the planet

  • Giving Birth

    Giving birth to me was definitely one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

  • Good Cook (Mothers Day)

    You are such a good cook that ingredients actually enjoy being boiled.

  • Great Feats

    The many things you have done for me rival great feats in history: putting a man on the moon, nuclear power, and eating an entire watermelon in one sitting.

  • Hidden Cameras

    How is it fair that Superman can peer through walls and watch you change, but I'm stuck using my hidden cameras?

  • Lazy by Comparison

    Congrats on another amazing accomplishment! Now, would you mind taking a little break?

  • Million Dollars

    If I had to choose between you and a million dollars ...

  • Money on Trees

    If money did grow on trees, they would likely be a types of plants that constantly smelled like burnt pickled okra and excreted deadly venom that caused painful urination.

  • Non Sucky Gifts

    I appreciate that you remembered my cardinal rule - I insist on gifts that don't suck.

  • Penguin Meat

    If penguins ever run wild at the zoo, I'm going to trap one and eat it.

Spreckled Monkey Man Cards, based out of Centreville VA, is the best and coolest greeting card company in the world. Sometimes it's tough to be a guy. From birth, you are expected to know how to throw a javelin, open every jar of pickled without 50 miles and have no qualms about killing small pests that disturb the delicate emotional balance of your loved ones. But there are some moments that bring out a deep dread and product a cold sweat for even the most hardened lumberjack - holding a baby for the first time, picking out the engagement ring, dealing with a hostage negotiation or event your first live bomb defusing. But worst of all is when it comes time to buy a card for those that you love. Every guy knows that the greeting card was an invention of women for women - and boy do they love their cards. For guys, it's different. They are lost in the card selection, struggling to find the card that speaks to them, to their situation, and to what they are looking to say. You don't want flowers and ridiculous pictures of animals. Sure you could close your eyes and pick out a terrible card at random - after all, what difference does it make? They are all the same, aren't they? Not anymore. Welcome to Spreckled Monkey Man Cards. Why another greeting card? Well, simple put - for guys, buying cards sucks. I don't mean like "pebble in the show while on a hike" suck. No, I mean like "falling into a vat of honey at a bee convention" suck. Sure, you have to buy cards from time to time, but it certainly isn't easy. Don't guys have the right to have fun card shopping too? We believe that a true man isn't about being simple singed or filled with crass humor. men at their best at funny, honest, strong, sincere and clever - and we believe that spirit should be fostered. As suck, 10% of all proceeds go to charities that help boys grow into men - just like our own Luke, Kyle and the rest of the gang.